Saturday, May 31, 2008

chafing is bad m'kay

it's like crotch carpet burn. well, more like inner thigh carpet burn. Body Glide to the rescue!

Friday, May 30, 2008

how timely

"Blocking Thoughts" to good relaionships

by David Lake, MD

Hi All,

I know of a sure way to ruin your relationship. Be a critic. Of all the relationship poisons, this is the deadliest. Over time, it is guaranteed never to improve the quality of your life. I suggest that EFT is the most useful antidote to this poison. Using EFT initially doesn't solve the problem. Instead, it helps you to get straight emotionally first. When you can be more neutral, both parties can confront and negotiate the truths of the situation more evenly.

The urge to criticise and blame comes from deeply-felt ideas about the world and how it should be. There are two kinds of people in the world, those that can tolerate crumbs in the bed, and those who can’t (actually, it’s those who think there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don’t). As such, the hurt feelings are your own, and are triggered off by others—not caused.

Criticism can’t work because of the world of hurt feelings that it stirs up in both participants. The price for being a critic is often the appreciation, acceptance and friendship inherent in a good relationship.

Here’s how I would use EFT personally, both for the criticiser and criticisee. I think it has more leverage if you focus on the negative and “hot” aspects of a problem, especially the irrational and awful/terrible/horrible ones. I use a light touch with the affirmations because I find this helps. Make these personal for your situation.

If you are the doer, you might feel the need to right a “wrong”, and to restore your sense of order in your inner world about excess chaos—typically caused by another (often someone you “love”).You could say:

"Even if I feel like I can’t let this go…I’m going to do the best I can."

"Although I can’t put up with this any more….and I shouldn’t have to anyway…and he/she should know better by now…I am going to find a way to deal with this."

"Even though I know I’m right about this…so he/she must be wrong, I’d rather be happy than completely correct."

"Despite this personal insult…I won’t let it get in the way of our friendship."

"Even though I’m so upset about this I don’t even want to tap, I’ll do it anyway to keep the faith."

"Although this is the last straw…and homicide is against the law…I suppose we both make mistakes."

"Even though this makes life harder/more work for me, which I don’t need, I will work hard for our friendship."

"Although this reminds me of a whole lot of other bad stuff, it’s only Monday; I’m going to handle this."

"Even if this is proof that I live with a criminal/fool/idiot/dolt/hopeless case, he/she is my idiot—and I love him/her dearly, the last time I checked."

"Although he/she promised to love, honour and cherish, so did I—and I’m going to do it right now."

Blocking thoughts to treating the frustration about the “crime” include the following: I would say “I accept myself deeply and completely, even if…”

Nothing will ever change around here

I could become a doormat/martyr if I don’t speak up

Things have to be done correctly…the right way (my way)

They don’t do it, and they don’t care…so I don’t matter to them

They will never learn

I do things better

It’s deliberate on his/her part

It’s serious/important to me and I must prevail

I’m with the wrong person

I can’t respect someone who does this

If he/she loved me they wouldn’t do this

I feel/am helpless

Very often we lose sight of the awful fact that we are just as much a bother to our partner. Naturally they will remind us in due course. You become the criticisee, the receiver. When you cop the lot (Australian for receiving criticism) you could use EFT like this:

"Although I’m really hurt and upset…and he/she shouldn’t have said those things, I’ll settle myself the best I can."

"Even if he/she is really angry, soon we’ll discuss this like friends."

"Although I don’t think this is so bad, I’ll fix it if I can, just for her/him."

"Even if this is a storm in a teacup…it’s our teacup, and I can help out here."

"He/she obviously hates me…and two can play that game, but I’ll do the tapping and prevent World War 3."

"Although it’s ridiculous for him/her to get so upset…and upset me as well, I’m going to hang in there, despite everything."

"Although I’m guilty until proven innocent…the trial is today and the hanging tomorrow, I can weather this storm."

"Even if technically it’s not my fault, I’ll stay calm and apologise if I’m part of the problem."

"Although he/she’s not blameless, I’ll find the useful reaction here."


Blocking thoughts: “I accept myself deeply and completely even if…”

My good deeds have gone unnoticed

I can’t live up to his/her standards

I am a bad person to him/her

Here we go again

His/her crimes are worse than mine

This whole thing is useless

He/she hates me

This is just too much/over the top/the end of the line

I can’t help it if I’m not perfect

One objection to using EFT for these common hurts is that it could lead to feeling relaxed about a legitimate issue of abuse or bad boundaries. This is possible, but in my opinion only if there are severe personal problems to begin with; this would manifest as a poor sense of self in a damaged person.

I would still use EFT in this situation as it is very likely to lead to greatly increased self-esteem over time. Here the relational aspects of good therapy are as important as Energy techniques. When EFT does it’s magic to our dysfunctional feeling-reactions, there’s little danger that we will become too saintly or forgiving for the wrong reasons; we lose neither our common sense nor our time-tested ability to say or do the wrong thing from time to time.

Persistence and more persistence is the key in treating the deep anxieties and fears underlying our critical actions.

Of course there is much to do in negotiating the compromises of partnership. Some habits and faults are never going to change. If we criticise, in essence we have forgotten the Golden Rule with respect to forgiveness. My daughter once said to me “I know I did the wrong thing, but why are you so upset?” Exactly.

If you can imagine a world where you are treated so well, so kindly, so graciously, by someone who thinks the best of you, then naturally you will reciprocate. Nelson Mandela said in Sydney last week “If you treat people with impeccable integrity and honesty, then that is how they will treat you”. Do we really have the right to criticise others?

Use EFT to help yourself and others to move beyond our limiting negative beliefs about the world. Start at home.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


i saw the mommy kangaroo, looking sad cause she got eated.

remind me to never go camping in australia.

lou and boychik

yesterday
boychik was picking on lou

"You're stupid."

"NO! I am not stupid. I am WILD and if you can't handle that then go back to bed."

today
Bad Company's Feel Like Makin Love came on the radio. listen a bit. boychik pipes up

"ugh, i don't feel like making love. i feel like making pannycakes."

i was watching live concert footage on youtube and lou digs drummers. especially the 'crazy animal drummers'

my lou

Saturday, May 24, 2008

tooth and tattoo

my tooth hurts. i went to the dentist in march? and i had an abscess and a fracture in the root? I don't remember, but the tooth needed to be pulled, bone graft done and then an implant. The dentist would do all the insurance prep first and then call to set up appointment.

I got a call back asking for my health insurance info - the dental insurance wanted to make sure they couldn't pawn off the expense to someone else. Gave that info and dentist lady said she'd give me a call when she knows something.

No call.

Other things have been going on so it slipped my mind. But my tooth started to hurt again. And I want it out. I'll call next week to see what's up. Since I am not pregnant they can knock my ass out to extract the tooth. They originally planned on local only.

**********

The mister HATES tattoos. He really does not like them. He's okay with boychik wearing nail polish but temporary tattoos usually illicit an eye twitch.

I'm thinking, cause I am such a supportive and caring wife, of coming back form San Francisco with a tattoo. Temporary but play it off like a real one. I wonder if a local shop will help me out with my marital subterfuge.

And it would have to be something meaningful to me to play it off. I think he would suspect if I came home with a unicorn making it with a dolphin.

one of those parents

A few nights ago the littles and I met with a friend and her two at Burger King. Said friend and I were going over our fundraising plans and let the kids go wild in the play area.

Lou went a little too wild and puked in the slide. When she says she threw up that could mean anything from "I had to spit" to "totally puking guts out". She had a little wetness on her foot, but still couldn't tell.

Asked boychik to check it out and he climbed to the top and slid down. Cool! No vomit otherwise he wouldn't have slid down, right? Wrong. There wasn't much and what was there he wiped up with his butt and back.

Friend wanted to leave. We hustled the kids out of there and left. Without telling anyone.

yep.

Monday, May 19, 2008

running a marathon!

october 19 in san francisco. the nike women's marathon. i'm training with the leukemia and lymphoma society's team in training. i have to raise $4,100 by september.

link to my training blog. now with comments! further down is the link to my team in training page. i'd post here, but this laptop isn't letting me access my site. oy, i was wrong. here is my fundraising site. :)

please pimp out my fundraising page - i need all the help i can get in raising the money for this awesome organization.

quick update

bah - i keep meaning to come and pot on this blog but i don't think about it until after i am in bed.

ireally want to use this as a journal and just spew out all my dysfunction. i think that will help a lot. in the mean time bach flower remedies rock!!

i passed the babe april 15 and after all was said and done i was 11 weeks along (or 10 weeks 6 days but 11 weeks is easier to say) and it was a boy. i'll have to dig up the link but there was genital shots of 11 week fetus on line and our, uh fetus? baby? how does one refer to one that young? definitely looked like boy.

i wanted to name him. the mister didn't really want to but was fine if i did. he gave very little input for the name but i did get an okay. he said it made him to sd to think about.

oliver is the first name. a name i've liked for a long time. i suggested the name when we were pregnant with boychik but dh said it would be better for a subsequent boy. fine with me.

then i started calling my cat oliver. this is the best cat evah in the whole entire world. her given name was tsume renshu but i called her renny. i started saying 'i love her' in a stupid lovey voice reserved for favorite animals or small babies. and the 'i love her' morphed into oliver. when i saw her i would just say oliver in a regular voice and mean 'i love her'. we had to put renny down when i was pregnant with little miss crazy p - (feb 27 06 if you wanted a date).

i figured this would be the perfect opportunity to name a child with a name that i love and has a special meaning to me. cause the mister is adamant about no olivers cause of the cat.

middle name i was stuck with. finally chose daniel. heard danny boy at the kids concert which made me think of the name. cheesy predictable? yeah, but who cares.

i FINALLY stopped bleeding a week and a half ago. it got really bad. then get a little better and back to really bad. sucked big time.